I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
