I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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