"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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