I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My breasts were aching with rage.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
