i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
