Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
