Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
