She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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