My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize