Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
