thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
