You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
