There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Of course I have a pirate flag
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
