He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
