all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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