just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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