PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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