do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
