just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize