So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
