I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
