I want to have your abortion
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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