All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
