i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
