my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
