this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
