nut hugger
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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