We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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