Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
