Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
