I am puke
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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