Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
