so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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