I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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