Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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