my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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