He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
