I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
