i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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