just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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