he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
