I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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