so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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