they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize