update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
