Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
