I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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