Too much gin, very little bucket
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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