then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
