apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
