Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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