I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Quick, to the slutcave!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
