maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize