dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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