yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
