ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize