My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
