I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
