Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
whose ass print is on the piano?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
