I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
