my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
