how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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