Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
