he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
