is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
