Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
