Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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