Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
