screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
